2.14.2013

I pretty much love all holidays and any excuse to celebrate. Plus I love the holiday colors and I can't wait to throw themed parties for my kids. I especially love Valentines Day. It's always been a great holiday for me and one of my favorites. I remember coming home from school each Vday and running up to my room to find what my mom and dad got for us. There was always a bag of candy on our bed along with a nice clean room. Sometimes we would decorate sugar cookies in pinks and reds as well. I never went a year without my parents doing something for me and the candy bag has become a tradition. My father as I got older always got me flowers too along with my mom's candy bag she out together. These are special memories and I am so lucky to have traditions.

Last year when Westin was at basic training/AIT my sweet dad went above and beyond to make me smile and feel loved. I didn't show him as much as it meant to me because for some reason I have a hard time showing my emotions to my family, but it really was the sweetest thing. My dad always shows me he loves me but I have a hard time showing my love back sentimental wise.. He decorated my bed in chocolate kisses. He got me a balloon that sang to me with flowers, like he's done sense I was a teenager. He also wrote me a card signed from Westin which had a sweet poem. He cried a little and it really made me feel so special. My mom also got me candy as well and I felt a little less alone. My parents always have shown me how to celebrate holidays and how much they care about me. Did I tell you I have the best parents in the world and love them so much. I AM SO LOVED. Here is some pictures from last year. Roses, card, balloons and choc. kisses are from my dad and the candy next to the roses are from my mom...the tradition. 

 I also enjoyed decorating a shoe box every year to take to school for the parties and valentines you give to each student in your class. What fun memories I have as a child. I loved reading through all the fun little cards that read cheesy lines and getting more candy. Elementary School in Utah was a blast and I have so many great memories.

When elementry school was over my mom still continued the tradition for as long as I can remember. Yes the little shoe box valentines ended from my classmates too but I made my own traditions. I would wear a dress each Valentines Day, do my makeup and hair, and deliver candy to my friends with a little note. Yes I did this from 7th grade until I graduated from high school.

I really only had one Valentine Date before I met Westin and got married, but I was never sad about this. I enjoyed spending the night with my girlfriends eating good food, making a dessert and watching a chick flick. I've always loved the holiday to not only share it with someone special but to tell people you love them. The words I love you are so meaningful and I remember making a deal with myself in middle school after the dealth of my grandma that I would always say I love you for my last words to my family members and friends. V-Day is just a extra celebration to let people know you care about them. NOT a day to feel lonely. 

This year I made little goody bags for a few people who I care about. Rice crispy treats and various candy's. I had to carry on my mothers tradition even if I don't have my own kids yet. I love making people feel special especially those who don't have a special someone to show them they care about them.

This year was extra special for me. Westin has been so busy and it was a nice present to know he had no homework and could spend the evening with me. He always has a nice surprise for me as well which I look forward to. He always pulls through. We were able to take a nap together which never happens. He then took me to get a pregnancy massage which I would have never thought of him doing...I mean two Valentines Day's he got me a massage but I didn't think he knew pregnancy massages exsisted. It was wonderful by the way. On our way there, we got to watch the most beautiful sunset as well. Perfect way to start our evening. 

We then ate a nice Italian meal I made that we both love, opened up little gifts of candy..me See's chocolates and Westin of course reeses hearts and various others. I also got him coupons he can redeem for special favors such as a massage, head rub, planned date night on me etc. We then enjoyed cuddling and watching a chick flick. It was a perfect night for us and I wouldn't of wanted it any other way.  Wes is the best sport and will enjoy a cheesy holiday with me any day. I am a lucky girl to have such a great husband. He really keeps me laughing and makes me feel so beautiful each and everyday. 

We are so excited to bring this little man into our lives. We can't wait to celebrate holidays with our kids and start the traditions of our own. HAPPY VALENTINES everyone. 

P.S. I love you

Grateful

This weekend Westin and I had an opportunity to go through the temple with my friend Natasha. I was humbled as I got to know a little more about her life and what she is going though. She is from Russia and joined the LDS church at 16. Her mother died when she was a child and she doesn't see her family much. She is the only active member in her family and was raised Muslim, which her father still practices. She opened her endowments for the first time with no family or much of anyone to give her support. She was so happy though and so full of hope. She is also facing challenges of where to go next. She let me know that she cannot stay in the U.S. because you have to find a company who will hire a Russian for 5 years at a certain salary base. She wanted to go to Montreal Canada but her plans didn't fall through. She doesn't want to return to Russia because she feels there is no future for her there She is trying to figure out her life in the next two months as she is graduating this April...

Westin and I are going through lots of changes and similar decisions but yet we have loving support from friends and family. I have not lost the support of my mother and father and am never alone. I have Westin to make decisions with and to move with. Natasha is all alone and I am so happy to become her family these last few months. I want to be all the support I can be. Wes and I are like her family she said and it made me feel so happy. She tells us she loves us a million times and never stops thanking us. She is someone I will keep in touch with forever.

She can't afford a lot right now so we decided to give her a special present that would mean a lot to her. We are picking it out this week. The smile that formed on our face, when I told her what it was, broke my heart. I love helping people who are so grateful. There are no words to express her love, gratitude, and heart. She is the most kind, most gracious, loving person who is relying on the Savior right now as she feels she has had no one to turn to. She's spend many nights on her knees praying for angels to come in her life, to help her feel less alone. She said if it wasn't for the gospel she would be so depressed but it's the Savior who helps her though.

I am so happy to be humbled by someone so beautiful. I am so grateful for my life even though at times it feels very discouraging.

The steps we take everyday

Okay so taking it easy is very strange for me. I am allowed to walk and do little things just not heavy lifting, being on my feet for hours, etc...

 I am grateful I can still go grocery shopping, which I did today with the help of my mom who pushed the cart for me and my parents and Westin who carried most all the groceries from my car to my apartment. PS I am lucky that I have my parents not to far away from me to help me out and the best husband who doesn’t complain ever!!! As far as laundry goes, I can move one load at a time but getting it to the laundry mat, (which is surprisingly farther than I ever thought about before), is where Westin comes in.

It’s crazy how much help I need for just little things. As far as cleaning goes for my little place, I just do a few things each day. Cooking is something I enjoy but I take breaks and started doing crock pot recipes and things that keep me on my feet for only 20 min. or less. I get cramps when I stand up for more than 20 min. so that is what I get as far as productivity. 

P.S. How do woman do strict bed rest and not move at all? This is beyond me and at this point my worst nightmare. I am lucky I can take a shower, get up and use the bathroom, get the mail while breathing in fresh air, cook good food instead of eating what Westin would cook for me haha, go grocery shopping, who would of thought getting to the grocery store would be a treat, make my doctor appointments, and walk to the living room and back. I am not going to take life for granted anymore. 

My sweet sister-in-law Alisa called me the other day and we talked about her bed rest. She would get showers once in four days… okay sometimes I don’t take showers for 4 days on purpose but to be forced not to is a different story. She also had four kids and had to stay down. It really helped to talk to her and I really appreciate where I am right now and am grateful. She also is going to give me baby stuff when I get back to the mainland which I am so excited about. 

SOPHIE gave me some cute maternity cloths which I am so grateful for, Sophie if you see this REALLY THANK YOU!!! Michelle is sending me stuff as well…breast bump to be the most useful thing for sure, and Jill and Michelle are getting me my car seat. I have such amazing family it’s unbelievable. (SIDENOTE)

I miss walking and exercising though, but it’s only for a short period. I am doing pretty well and thinking of how my situation could be worse makes it a lot easier to bare. 

Things I’ve done to keep busy:

1.)    I have asked any form of acquaintance or friend to come visit me often, which I am happy I get a visitor at least every other day. Before I could care less if someone came by, but now I want to have conversations and not feel so dead to the world. I’ve even bribed people with treats… 
2.)    I started this blog which helps release endorphins I guess, woman get that by expressing themselves. 
3.)    I’ve become a TV junkie, which honestly I hate watching TV to much. Currently have become loyal to the Bachelor, Nashville, The New Girl, Parenthood, Grey’s Anatomy and Carrie Diaries. BIG WASTE of time but right now with pain and cramping it helps take my mind off things.

Things I need: 

1.)    Good books to read? Any suggestions…

2

My belly at 27 weeks and 4 days... here is another one of my abs...I feel them streching. See I can't take very good pictures of myself on my phone. I can't hold it well while taking a picture and Wes would do far worse but I'll have him take one this week.

Baby is still kicking me like crazy. Sometimes I feel as if he is doing flips inside me. 

Cravings: Potatoes with sour cream, hash browns, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, yogurt, recess puffs, muddy buddies, and health ice cream. I eat healthy… but I do get sweets in here and there.

So far I’ve gained 20 pounds and am thinking I’ll gain about 33 by the end. I am trying not eat too much at a time to help my digestive system but I sure want to eat when I am bored. 

I’ve also found a photographer for a reasonable price… I’ll have some professional pictures done here in a couple weeks of my pregnant belly I will post. I would never pay for this if I had people around me who could take pictures of me decently. That’s when I need Lana, Sophie, Katie or Ginene.

I would pay for this… She also is going to come to the hospital and take some photos of the birth, first one and on contact, bathing, and the special moments…I am totally stoked. I will also have her take some pictures after the baby is born. I know totally throwing out…but this is my first baby.

 Need some beautiful pictures like this!

Thanks everyone for your prayers. Keep praying for me. I am still feeling contractions, back pain, and cramping pretty bad. My IBS is a little out of control but I have a gastroenterologist appointment Tuesday thank goodness with AMAZING insurance…(maybe the army isn’t all bad) 

Today I decided to start my blog again. To capture the moments that matter most and to write a little about this sweet little boy who is going to make it into our arms. Carrying a baby isn't easy and at times can be very scary.

Westin and I decided it was time to add an addition to our family upon his return from his long training at Basic and AIT. We planned a trip after the summer 2012 semester to Kauai to celebrate all we had accomplished after the long 4 and a half months of being apart. It was much needed. We had so much fun and it was on this trip we found out I was pregnant. We were so excited and happy. It was a perfect moment looking at each other in aw knowing we were going to be parents. I have never been happier in that moment and know without any doubt that Westin would be the most perfect husband and father. Looking at him that day as we both marveled at the fact I was going to carry our baby, was one of the happiest feelings of my life. Of course we had to take a second pregnancy test to double make sure it was real. We both new without a doubt it was time as we laughed and hugged each other.














Upon our return I was lucky to have good friends who gave me advice on good doctors. I had doubts about the doctor I started with Eesha Bhattacharyya and quickly switched over to another one. After finding out I had a few risk within the first couple weeks, I was back with the doctor I thought I didn't like. My baby was sitting very low and with past problems and surgeries I have to have a c-section and this doctor is the best for the job. Over the past few months from week 23 and on I have experience spotting, contractions and other scares. I've been in the hospital twice and have been blessed to walk out baby free so far. It has brought Westin and I on our knees for strength from our Heavenly Father. The prayers and comfort of friends and family have been answered. We need all the prayers we can get.

At week 18, Westin and I went into our appointment with doctor Bhattacharyya to discover my baby was at risk, sitting a little low and had to go see a risk doctor to get some testing done. Poor Westin was filming the whole ultrasound and was so occupied it took him a minute to process the news...we were so bummed that we had to wait to find the gender of our baby and that the baby was at risk. We waited impatiently for two and a half weeks to discover the baby is healthy thank goodness and a beautiful baby boy. My heart skipped some beats when they said boy and I felt like crying but of course held it in. I've never been one to express strong emotions in front of people. Westin and my parents were in the room as we made jokes and laughed. I had to do jumping jacks and do all sorts of weird things to get the baby to move enough for us to see the sex. I think he was teasing us because finally towards the end he put both hands on each leg and spread eagle to show his manhood to the world. This boy has been nothing but entertaining from here on out. Always doing fun things in his pictures.

At week 23, was my first scare as I found spotting in my underware but after a doctor visit found out that I was not dilated, my uterist was thick and long, and there was no sign of labor or harm for the baby.

At week 25 spotting again, and yet baby and I were both confirmed healthy after more test thank goodness.


Within the same week I went to the hospital because I was experience shooting pains and contractions bringing tears to my eyes and the first fears into Westin and my mind that this baby could come early. My doctor was very supportive and after a long night in the at Kapiolani Medical Center for Women and Children, I was discharge and ready to go home with a healthy baby. I was put on strict instructions that both Westin and I followed along with minor bed rest.

PS this same week I had my car window smashed in all for a credit card that I quickly cancelled, nothing else stolen. Luckily I had a great friend Jessica with me who also helped along with Bethany make the decision to go into the hospital and help depict that I was having contractions. Bethany and Jessica were my angels this night as I didn't want to be dramatic and spend the night in the hospital for no reason.

Week 27, February 1st brought an even bigger scare into our lives with full blood this time and contractions. The crazy thing is, this was the start of my new insurance with TRICARE the best insurance in the world which will save us $3000. I prayed hard as I was experiencing pain Jan. 31st that nothing would happen until my new insurance came in...and of course the first day of my new insurance it did. I am glad I switched over and we made that decision.

I got into my doctor right away after the hour long drive to Castle Medical Center. He confirmed I was not dilated, my uterus yet again was thin and elongated and that I was not in labor at the moment. We made an appointment within a few hours to see the risk doctor again, Doctor Chen because he has better machinery and does the more extensive testing I needed. Waiting for the appointment with the cramping and contractions was scary but I was blessed to have my parents who live 15 minutes away and was able to keep distracted with both them and Westin's loving support.

Our perfect little boy!!!

My appointment was full of jokes and yet confirmations that this baby was  healthy. The doctor started with the fun stuff before getting into the serious testing. Through the ultra sound he took more pictures of our highly entertaining boy. Baby flipped us off, sucked his thumb and picked his nose, another confirmation that our baby is a character. Maybe even confirming to Westin and I that he wasn't going to come out and that he is going to fight this through with me. The doctors are wonderful and keep me laughing all the time. The baby was a little over 14 inches long, right on schedule and 1 pound and 15 oz, almost a full 2 pounds. It was confirmed that he was getting the fluid he needed and that my water wasn't broken. We also discovered that my uterus is in a good spot and my lining is think and elongated again meaning no signs of thinning. He saw the blood as I was still spotting and picked up contractions confirming that complications were still in the present. He called my doctor and they both confirmed that I should be monitored in the hospital for three full days and receive steroid treatments to help the babies lungs develop. Westin and I were both horrified and shocked as everything sunk in, that there was a possibility this baby could come premature weighing in at almost 2 pounds.


flipping us off!

Picking his nose

The only hope I could muster was the thought of my dear friend Courtney who gave birth to four babies premature all weighing in less then my son would weighed in. This gave me total peace to get me though the first night. I also knew my doctor was a good surgeon and would do everything to get the baby out safely if it came to that. Westin and I had sweet moments as we comforted each other and tried to maintain peace to keep both our stress levels down, to stop contractions and to know this was in the Lords hands.

I had lots of more extensive test done, all confirming good results through the first night. I also got the first steroid treatment which was less painful then I thought as the needle size, close to an epidural needle length was to be put into my body and I wasn't going to be numbed. Westin held my hands in support as I quickly realized it didn't hurt to bad and could handle the next one without fear. Little things like that make me happy I have such a good husband who is so animated. He was just as scared as I was looking at that needle and seeing me get all these painful test throughout that evening and into the night. He felt nothing but sympathy for me and it was nice to have his support. He didn't leave my side very much for the next 3 days and was nothing but loving and kind as he tried to get homework done through all the stress and risk.

17 weeks while in Maui with Stephanie my sister in crime.

















My awesome doctor who I didn't like very much before this weekend was wonderful through the whole weekend. Very personable, showed he cared a lot about me, came in to see me Sunday with two out of his three beautiful children and was nothing but supportive. It gave me full confidence that this guy is the right doctor for us and is going to deliver our son. I have full peace of mind as well as Westin finally with our doctor. I am grateful for this moment to develop such a better relationship with my doctor and feel finally at peace now that I have to face maybe scary moments ahead. Our goal is to keep this baby in as long as possible. He is going to see me every week until this baby comes.

Luckly my bleeding stopped within the first day and I showed no more signs throughout the next 3 days. Contractions kept coming but irregular which allowed my doctors to let me go on minor bed rest again...same restrictions as before. My water didn't break and no dilating happened which we know is from the prayers of all our family and friends. Thank you everyone for praying for us.

We are so lucky to be carrying this little boy and everyday I am growing more attached to him. When I get nervous he always kicks me to let me know he is alive and healthy. He is very active and keeps Westin animated as he feels and sees my stomach move. Westin has never been boring and has always made me laugh. I have felt him hick-up now several times and it's fun to feel him move minus when he is kicking and sleeping on my bladder as he is still sitting low. We grow more attached to him each day.

As we were leaving the hospital today we saw a little baby girl about 4 pounds and we both looked at each other as reality sunk it. We realized that we could have had a baby smaller than this one and it brought tears of gratitude to our eyes. We both hugged each other and smiled as we made it through another trail.

I have a miracle baby so far and a fighter. I know today that we are all three in this together. I will do anything and everything to take care of myself and my baby. I want to get through these next 10 weeks measuring me at 37 weeks. Full term at this moment seems far away but I know I can get to at least 34 weeks. This baby is going to make it and I will wait to hold him in my arms even though I want to squeeze him and hug him right now. I love this baby boy. Through all this has really strengthened my testimony, faith, and love towards my son as well as Westin.

Now that we both know anything can happen at this point we finally came down to 10 names while we were bored in the hospital.

1.) Westin Dublin I (this makes many people laugh but Westin is a unique name and I think there is no one better to name our son after then the most perfect man who ever came into my life...really Westin is exactly who I hope this boy is exactly like)
 2.) Eastin Carter
3.) Dakota
4.) Brady( which means spirited because this baby is spirited and through all the ultrasounds, the kicking and the drama this baby is sure spirited which suits him well)
5.) Hudson
6.) Braxton
7.) Dublin (as a first name as this was a nickname given to Westin when he went to Ireland for a study abroad.)
8.) Mataie (named after this sweet beautiful boy in our primary class)
9.) Bentley
10.)  Blake (a name that came to me in the hospital the first night that sort of felt right at the moment, like being inspired but who knows)

Please keep us in your prayers. I am lucky to not be working now and I know now that this was a blessing form God. I know he knew things would happen and I would have to leave my job at this point if I had one. I am a little worried about Westin as he has school, job applications to get through, is a project lead finding speakers to speak on campus, is working over hours due to a high demanding job, involved in a few clubs, is in the army, and applying for internships this summer to keep us settle when the baby comes. He has a full plate and now has to worry about his wife and son as I can't do as much as I would like. I can't lift things such as the laundry, I can't stand up and cook for long periods of time, I can't clean as much as I want to, and so he is going to be overloaded with more then he can handle or bare. Westin is supportive and will handle this like a champ, but he isn't sleeping very much and needs all your prayers as he is getting on average 5 hrs. a sleep a night. He is selfless and does it will little to no complaints.

I am lucky to marry someone as strong as my brother Brent who helped Sophie so selflessly as she faced hard times after her last pregnancy. I always wanted to marry someone like my brother who I admired most in life. Westin is a lot like him and makes me happy everyday. My brother Brent has been an inspiration and it was his personality, his selflessness, his loving character that helped me make the decisions about the qualities I chose to wait for in a husband.. I am so happy to have him as my most admirable mentor and to finally find my full happiness in spending my life with someone as good as my brother. .

Few funny pictures of Westin in the hospital...

 
Westin was happy with his pizza, bread sticks and soda while watching the Ravens and 49rs. We made the best of our stay in the hospital and the game was really good. We planned a super bowl part with some friends and were sad we couldn't make it, but we made the best of it.












Westin took Benadryl to help his allergies and he couldn't get up the next day. He was passed out haha.